Well, it is getting closer and closer to Christmas and I have been slacking and slacking more with the site. Today you get a special treat of 4 Xmas cards to download and send to friends or enemies. I am sure I will eventually get down to making some more, but this should hold you over until then....if it ever happens. Spinach is green. On with the cards!

Yes, this was the card that started it all. In this Christmas card we feature the dashing "Tall Man" from the Phantasm series molesting an orb. By dawning the Santa Claus hat he intends to not only kill you, but fuck up and children's' memories of Christmas for years to come. I am sure many of those future Christmas' will be spent in therapy, but not because of the Tall Man...instead because someone has an addiction to the porn and airplane glue.

Nothing says "Office Christmas Party" like the Hellraiser Quadruple Holiday Assault Team. Yes, Pinhead and his fellow residents of hell would like to kick this year off right by splashing your nipples with scalding hot egg-nog while roasting your chestnuts over an open, but well contained, fire. You knew a "chestnuts over the fire" joke was going to be in here some where, so quit acting all surprised. Ever wonder what I look like? I am the guy on the left who looks like he had a bit too many chocolate covered cherries and about 53 hams.

Who's in da house? Raise the roof!! It is Leather Face from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and he is ready to help your dear old dad carve up that Christmas goose that Tiny Tim bought at the corner market for your fat greedy family. Actually, TIny Tim is already dead and his head is being pickled so Leather Face can play "sock puppet masturbation frenzy" again with his dear old grampa. I love Christmas! I love dear old grampa!!

Well if it isn't Goofus and Galant the holiday double threat all up in your mix. Shitty Santa cookies and fake lame wreaths, that is what Christmas is all about. Mommy, I woke up today and a goldfish left a link 'n' log in me sock drawer. That's the story of jesus. I like cream cheese. Do any of you even read this crap?!

 

-LaVarious
12-14-04