In this article I get to interview
the crew from Johnny
Whoop Ass, which is a site I highly recommend. My questions
will be in blue and bold
their answers will be in the respective colors I have assigned
them and if people want to bitch because Julie
has pink it is too damn bad! You will live with the colors I assign
or you will stay after for detention. You will also love this
article if several different text colors give you seizures!
How many people make up the Johnny Whoop
Ass crew?
There are three of us:
Captain Milo Stubing, Julie
McCoy and
Isaac Washington.
Now come aboard and let's take a trip to the land of Johnny
Whoop Ass.
I keep hearing a girl’s voice…who
is this elusive person and how the hell did you get her to do
this? I am guessing either enslavement or possibly blackmail.
C: Actually,
we just record her throughout her normal day.
J: Personally i LovE it. plAying characterS
so not mE It iS a grEat time aND i tHink wE alL have a Pretty
good time.
I: Wait, there's a girl involved in this?
How do you get ideas for each
episode?
I: We all draw on life experiences.
It is a deeply personal almost spiritual process that we go through.
J: We start by forming an energy circle. Whoever
has the talking stick shares their idea and we put it in there.
C: To be serious for a second, I think that
what we really do are think of things that shouldn't make you
laugh, but they do anyway. Our ideas are just things that make
us laugh. I think a lot of people find it hit or miss comedy,
but what hits one person will miss another.
I: That is true. Everyone seems to have a
different favorite episode or part.
When you are planning to do a new episode
how do you plot out the dialog and decide who will be saying what?
C: Well we watch an old episode
(or 10) without sound that is particularly crappy with good 'moments'
that make for funny voice overs. My favorite is still Hank talking
to the wall in which the animators actually made a mistake and
Hank turns the wrong way. Anyway, then we just think what it could
be about.
J: I get all the female parts. Basically I
take it one step too far.
I: The episodes usually start around 10 minutes
then we go back through
and cut out the plot that isn't funny. It's a process. Splitting
the
voices is just us sitting around watching the guy and trying things
until everyone laughs.
Everyone knows I have a complete crush on
the sorceress character and consider her my girlfriend, do you
think she would date a fat reclusive hermit?
C: Well I can tell you that
the sorceress seems sexually repressed and
all alone up there in the castle. I mean she is dressed like a
bird after all, so you know she's into the kinky shit.
I: I don't know about date you, but I bet
she'd let you have your way with her. Besides the girl who plays
her is a total slut.
J: That is true. I am a complete slut.
The latest Johnny Whoop Ass episode features
Mer-man making a
cameo. Will there be other cameos or does Mer-man have the whole
scene locked down tight?
C: I think we'd like to work
in a few more. If I get my way, episode 5 will have a memorable
one.
J: Oooooo suspense, what a dick.
I: Personally I love open ended cliffhangers,
for instance will I be getting laid ever again!
C: That will be in episode 5 too!
Do you allow your audience to submit ideas
for upcoming episodes or do you prefer to leave the ideas to you
and the watching, helmet wearing, and drooling to us?
I: I think the closest we
got was someone on the board saying our show
could be a lot better, and then disappearing after we asked how.
I don't think we've received audience input.
J: How about real actors or writers or a budget...
C: The answer is no, we all wear our helmets
too.
I have an idea, and it may be retarded
but I am going to put it out there anyway because this is MY interview
damn it! What if during one of Johnny Whoop Asses transformation
sequences, where he goes from Flaming Prince Adam to Blue Oyster
Bar Johnny Whoop Ass, youactually dub in Lion-o from Thundercats
doing the whole, “Thunder, Thunder, Thunder….Thundercats
HO!!”?
C: Hmmmm, the original idea
there was to have him always cry out the
name of a small town in Wisconsin, but somehow that didn't translate
well.
J: Could it be because no one knows any of
those cities?
I: I do! By the way, to clear it up we are not from Vermont, the
whole
origin story is just a joke. I guess some guy posted on some site
that
he went to U of V with us. I couldn't find Vermont on a US map...
Was that a retard idea and do you now hate
me and wish me death? If death, how would it occur?
C: We shall never speak of
it again. You shall die by being suffocated
by the pillows of the sorceress' bosom.
J: I think all 80s cartoons should be redubbed.
Maybe you should do the
Thundercats?
I: There are no bad ideas... I think we should
chop you up and auction
off your parts on Ebay!
On Roseanne during the episode titled “Darlene
Fades to Black”
Darlene wants to wear only black, watch TV and be left alone.
What would you do to cheer Darlene up and put some color back
in her wardrobe?
I: Fuck Darlene, I'd go
get my mack on Becky. She was hot, and slutty
right?
J: She did get knocked up, so you know she's
giving it up. Single moms
are notoriously easy.
C: I fucking love single moms! SMILFs make you
smile!
How long does an episode of JWA take you
to create?
I: At LEAST 10 minutes.
C: Forever. Too long. You name it. In reality,
a week. With life
included at least a month.
J: Uhhhh. All I do is say lines and help write
it.
We’ve spoken about this before, but
the people who read my pathetic website haven’t, do you
have any plans to release a JWA DVD collection or JWA merchandise
in the future?
I: I think we'd love to,
I mean who WOULDN'T want a "fisting time"
t-shirt? But those pesky "laws."
C: Scary as it sounds, I think JWA is just a
first go at it. We all
have some other ideas that we think will be worth exploring. We
love
JWA, but you can only do so much. I think maybe a DVD though...
I: Again, dick with the secrets. (grabbed
recorder) Attention world! We
plan on doing more redubs because actors are hard to find and
FLAKY!
J: I think we should do it anyway, but to me the future is more
about
new avenues.
What Masters of the Universe character did
you hate the most and why did you hate him/her/it so much?
C: He-Man. What a dildo. I
watch the old cartoons and think, how did I
endure this as a kid? Some of the lines he drops are so corny.
Actually
they all suck. No wait just He-Man.
J: Skeletor because he does bad things.
I: That's funny. I hate Orko, that smarmy
little bastard. He think's he's so cool with his magic and you
know what, it never works!
If JWA were to battle Grimlock the Dinobot
from Transformers, who do you feel would win and why?
I: Grimlock, but I'd like
to see them battle rap, in which He Man would definitely represent
and win no contest.
C: Me Grimlock. Didn't he talk that way? Like
the Incredible Hulk trapped in a Transformer. Original.
J: Like He-Man doesn't copy Star Wars every
5 minutes.
C: True. Like we "copied" the G.I.
Joe guy?
J: Ha!
C: Can I just say, we love his stuff, but we
did NOT copy him. We have
a story and characters, recurring in fact. In fact I want to make
an episode where we DO copy him, but I am afraid everyone will
like it better!
I: We should. That would be hilarious.
Did you ever have Hordak’s slime pit
and just play with the slime?
I: No but I did pudding
wrestle a girl and took her top off.
C: Yes he did. God I wish we had a camera.
J: Let me guess, she had great boobs?
C: No, it was the first time he ever won a wrestling
match.
I: I do have a mental picture. She had really,
really nice boobs.
J: And folks, a little insight as to why the
episodes are so sexually loaded.
Well, that about wraps it up. Is there any
secret information you would like to divulge about JWA in the
coming months or possibly why last quarter JWA stock seemed to
stall on the dow but raise on the NASDAQ?
I: Yes. Now who's the secret
dick? Huh?
C: Actually no secret info, but we do want to
say thanks to everyone
for being really supportive, and the chick, I mean woman LaVarious
has
interviewing us is really hot.
I: Do you wrestle?
J: Thanks everyone!
Well, that was the interview with the Johnny
Whoop Ass crew. This interview got delayed several weeks because
of crazy shit happening around here, but it is now posted in all
its glory! I am still looking for the Sorceress' phone number.
:(
-LaVarious
10-11-04
