So, I went out today to purchase some Halloween crap to review, but I got to the store and decided I was going to be selfish and buy a TIE Fighter pilot for myself. Screw you and your holiday joy. Once I got home I had to play with my new toy so you can watch and see what happened as play time began…

TIE: Yes! I am finally free. I knew that fat bastard couldn’t keep me locked away in this plastic carbonite shit all night!! Striking this pose I feel like one of the Village People.

TIE: WOAH!! Settle down there Snowman, I don't see the Bandit anywhere and I don't need your bitch ass running me over!

Optimus: No one calls me a bitch!! Autobots Jazzercise!!

Optimus: Okay ass-clown, who is a bitch now?!

TIE: Ratt-a-tat-tat goes my gat as I pull sucka's caps back...

TIE: Oh, looks like someone left their Minicon out here to be used as a robotic body shield. Well, either that or Becky broke into the liquor cabinet again and is neglecting her babysitting responsibilites. Damn you FIRE WATER!!

Minicon: Zerp Wank Flurb Zert!!

Optimus: Christ!! Put the little piece of shit down. I promise on all that is Unicron that I will not try to make you the Autobots' resident gimp!

TIE: I want a set of wheels to get out of here or the Retard-a-con gets it! God this story is lame and it looks like you are doing jumping jacks.

Optimus: Head that way into the canyon of laundry to the cat-tree of power. At the top is a vehicle you can take and get the hell off this god forsaken planet where a dildo could be Black Araknia for all I know.

Minicon: Zeet Flank Vemtar Moo Goo Gi Pan!!

Minicon: ... **VRRRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM*

TIE: What the fuck are you doing you goddamned transforming mongoloid?!

Minicon: ... ***squealing tires***

TIE: My crotch is killing me! Did you really need to get air-time over that mound of socks? I hate you.

TIE: How do you like the knee to the distributor cap you crotchless machine?! Why am I holding a police baton?

TIE: PC LOAD LETTER? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!

TIE: AHHHHH!!! I melted into the floor and my police baton is actually a tazer that just got all up in your genitalia.

TIE: What the hell? This thing is covered in so much cat hair that it reminds me of Mrs.Garret's nether regions, not to mention all of the dander floating about. I am glad I have a ventilation system built into my mask and that I am plastic and do not require oxygen to survive. Why did this fat bastard have to buy me? Why is this storyline so lame? I guess we will all find out tomorrow...

-LaVarious
10-20-04